April 18: The race that didn't happen

I am incredibly discouraged. For the first time since I started this goal, I feel like it’s unreachable. That’s because I missed today’s race in Kansas. After a long search for an inexpensive race close to the Missouri border, I failed to make it to the race I so carefully selected. I set three alarms, but still managed to sleep through all of them. I woke up four hours after I needed to leave for Kansas.

As a result, I feel hopeless and angry. I’m angry at myself for not waking up. I’m angry at my body for being so weak. I’m unfairly angry at my husband for waking me up at 10:00 p.m.—when I was sound asleep—to talk to me. I’m angry that it took so long for me to fall back asleep after that. I’m angry that my husband heard my alarms, but didn’t make sure I was getting up. (Yes, I know I’m a grown-up and this isn’t his responsibility. But anger isn’t always rational.) Basically, I’m just angry.

Today, I feel like a failure—not a good feeling to have. I was on such a high from completing three states in a row. But that high has been sucked out of me--leaving a tired, hopeless shell of a human being. Now, I have to restart the search for an ideal Kansas race, and I have to get in a good workout to replace the 13.1 miles from today’s race.

But first, I think I need to find something to do to raise my spirits.